Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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