Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
