Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
