discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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