My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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