I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
