This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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