just come out here and I will go home with you...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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