When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
