Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
