why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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