I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
