so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
