I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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