I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize