i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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