i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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