ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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