Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You took a bar mat shot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
