the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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