All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
