Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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