i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize