Its about making memories worth repressing
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
