it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
