That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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