believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Im part way to drunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
