Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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