hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
