do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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