the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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