I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My life is pants optional.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
