I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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