I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
