She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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