Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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