Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
