I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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