It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
