Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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