It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
