Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
