she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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