do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I forget how to act sober
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
