Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
