why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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