I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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