I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
