is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
