this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
