dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
