May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
