I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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