watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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