He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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