My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
