I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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