My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Houston, we have a squirter
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
