I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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