Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
