bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
