allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
