she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
