The maid of honor just puked.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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