Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
