He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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