I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
