ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
