you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
